Friday, April 4, 2008
Glossary of Terms
b_d_d - brain damage delko. i started using the full brain_damage_delko after he got shot, but just began to always shorten it to b_d_d.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
1/14/2008
Raising Caine (oh this episode already rocks. I love the double entendre. They are SO creative)
Tivo Description: Horataio’s ex, Kyle’s mother, resurfaces as a billionaire’s widow who will do anything to get her son back.
Bimbo: blah, blah, blah….upscale properties…
Bimbo_ex_who_is_way_prettier_than_h_can_EVER_get_even_tho_she’s_a_bit_of_a_horse_face: <dramatic entrance> I’m over here john…but that’s not your name anymore, is it (oh the mystery that surrounds h!)
h: <creepy smirk that just sent chills down my spine in a bad way> mrs. Winston, frank, is kyle’s mother
VERY ODD STARING CONTEST
H: long enough Julia, long enough
Bimbo: i wasn’t equipped to raise him….i didn’t want to burden you (dude, you have more money than the Rockefellers. It’s called a nanny)
H: i want you tell me what happened
Ok, i’m not so sure what they’re setting up here, but, alexx being in some fender bender (read: off filming a movie to make some extra dough during the writers strike) and h’s mysterious ex, aka kyle’s mom, aka bimbo, being tied to some murder scene that h is conveniently investigating are not related in any way. It’s not freaky Friday calleigh.
Calleigh: horatio had to tell her that kyle was in jail
Natalia: so that poor woman got bad news about her husband and her son on the same day. (1. “bad news” about her husband is that he’s dead. That’s a little more than bad news, especially when you throw in that he got shot in the back his own house. 2. um, if she gave a shit, she would have known about the kid being in jail long ago.)
So the lawyer gives out free pens and now he’s suspect numero uno. I have pens from doggie day cares, hotels i’ve been to, and probably a bail bonds place. If someone kills me while i’m signing a check that’s a long suspect list to go through
Dumbass_lawyer: bill insisted on signing everything alone. Said it gave him clarity (does that even make any sense? they are really stretching here. They must have wrote this right before spring break at the community college. Or more likely right after. If you live in Miami already, spring break is pretty cheap = lots of extra money for booze and coke)
Dumbass_lawyer: i collected his papers and left. (so he collected some bloody ass papers and jetted without calling the cops. Left to “take care of his affairs”. Nice guy. And what was that guy hiding)
Pathetic_kidnap_girl: i’m not strong miss nivens…(yes, let’s play into the weak female stereotype yet again. All we need is h to save the day to make it complete)
I hate this moron DA
Kyle: i know what i did was wrong….
Of course someone had a gun to his head. That’s the only way h’s kid could do something wrong
This is an extremely creepy h/kyle scene
H: i’m fine…what do you mean? (oh he just so tuned in to h)
Nothing like getting coaching from h…i’m sure he’s gotten out of many a child molestation trial in his day
Does this kid seriously call h “dad”...
Frank: custody is a big step Horatio (dude, the kid is like 16, it’s only a 2 year sentence)
B_d_d: killer was under the floor
Alexx: but there are no basements in Miami (i think she actually read a cue card there)
B_d_d: alexx, money can buy you a basement if you want it (so clever)
Enough wine?
Natalia: i expect nothing less from h (oh dear lord spare me)
Arrogant_moron_in_the_basement: how did you guys figure out i was in the cellar…..you guys…are good
The Tiffany’s of wine….
a_m_i_b: you got me <hands up>….why don’t you slow down there…i’ve never fired a gun in my life…i’m no scientist (really, you don’t say. Neither are these idiots)
h: excuse me…don’t go far…
h: do it now or i’ll tear your office apart….do it now (oh he’s such a tough guy)
annulment papers….of course
oh and for fraud…this ought to be an awesome explanation
this guy is a billionaire and he asks his lawyer to check into his latest bimbo AFTER they were married. Are we still on planet earth?
I like the words jumping off the bloody page. Nice software.
5 different identities. Tell me h got duped!
H: and that…is called motive
Kyle (moron): i always knew you’d come back (what a pathetic ass loser. You’re too old to be a mama’s boy)
OH SNAP…she did not just say “so handsome…LIKE YOUR FATHER” i just threw up in my mouth. And conveniently, h is lurking. They’re going to be a real family, i just know it. vomit.
Bimbo: you failed to mention his trial today
H: you failed to mention your 5 aliases you’ve used over 15 years
So she’s at the lawyer’s and starts digging through his papers for pretty much no reason
So this idiot hides the gun in her car
Bimbo: i have no idea how that got there (uh huh)
H: hook her up please
Bimbo: you’re wasting your time
H: why is that
Bimbo: because you still love me (what the hell does that have to do with anything. Seriously. Bitch, you off-ed your richie-rich husband – although probably not because this is csi Miami – and what h thinks has very little to do with the consequences of that)
She’s a billionaire and she drives a Mercedes. They’re nice and all, but she could do better.
And really, it is lucky for her he was shot before he finished signing…but i bet it would be close enough to count as being signed
B_d_d: 10 card….
Since when do they check the prints visually, that’s what all their fancy non-existent computers are for.
Calleigh: why’d you do it
a_m_i_b: the help screws it up (dude…you are the help)
lucky for kyle he’s got frank on his side, practically testifying for him
oh snap, the judge is against the DA, good news for kyle. Oh and look at that, the victim didn’t show up. How convenient.
Right, h is going to send his team to look for her
H: where’s Kathleen, Julia. (this lady is a real whack job, of course h was involved with her. She’s needy and crazy all in one!)
Currency band. Those really don’t just slip off.
If i may quote the steve miller band: go on take the money and run!
Natalia: blah, blah, chemical names
Bimbo_housekeeper: <eyes glazed over> what does that mean?
Bimbo: the best charity is anonymous (um, yeah, you’re all about charity)
Bimbo_housekeeper: do you have a body (do you have a brain?)
Bimbo: i’ll be in court looking after my son
Of course….case dismissed
I don’t think the criminal court judge would know about his custody papers
AND i can pretty much guaran-fucking-tee they don’t let the kid have the final say. Hey kid: do you like living with your manic dad who drinks too much and often goes on three day benders leaving you alone. Or with your boring old mom who doesn’t let you stay up past 11 on school nights or have hookers at the house. Ever.
Bimbo: i’m no lawyer (no shit)
H: i’m going to find her Julia….i’m not actually talking about my son
Oh the old sun pass got her! Too bad those things don’t work right.
B_d_d: do you have a twenty on tripp (more like $100 that the bastard will have a heart attack this year…oh wait, you mean something else)
Blah…blah…jurisdiction
H: son…i can’t tell you not to do this
Kyle: blah, blah…mama’s boy….this is a recipe for disaster.
Of course she lets him drive the phat ride. Probably doesn’t even have a license.
Bimbo: i’m his mother (like that’s supposed to mean something)
What’s with the flash to the alligator jumping in the water. Is this subliminal Miami-style
Hmmm…so the money was a just a decoy…so clever.
Tivo Description: Horataio’s ex, Kyle’s mother, resurfaces as a billionaire’s widow who will do anything to get her son back.
Bimbo: blah, blah, blah….upscale properties…
Bimbo_ex_who_is_way_prettier_than_h_can_EVER_get_even_tho_she’s_a_bit_of_a_horse_face: <dramatic entrance> I’m over here john…but that’s not your name anymore, is it (oh the mystery that surrounds h!)
h: <creepy smirk that just sent chills down my spine in a bad way> mrs. Winston, frank, is kyle’s mother
VERY ODD STARING CONTEST
H: long enough Julia, long enough
Bimbo: i wasn’t equipped to raise him….i didn’t want to burden you (dude, you have more money than the Rockefellers. It’s called a nanny)
H: i want you tell me what happened
Ok, i’m not so sure what they’re setting up here, but, alexx being in some fender bender (read: off filming a movie to make some extra dough during the writers strike) and h’s mysterious ex, aka kyle’s mom, aka bimbo, being tied to some murder scene that h is conveniently investigating are not related in any way. It’s not freaky Friday calleigh.
Calleigh: horatio had to tell her that kyle was in jail
Natalia: so that poor woman got bad news about her husband and her son on the same day. (1. “bad news” about her husband is that he’s dead. That’s a little more than bad news, especially when you throw in that he got shot in the back his own house. 2. um, if she gave a shit, she would have known about the kid being in jail long ago.)
So the lawyer gives out free pens and now he’s suspect numero uno. I have pens from doggie day cares, hotels i’ve been to, and probably a bail bonds place. If someone kills me while i’m signing a check that’s a long suspect list to go through
Dumbass_lawyer: bill insisted on signing everything alone. Said it gave him clarity (does that even make any sense? they are really stretching here. They must have wrote this right before spring break at the community college. Or more likely right after. If you live in Miami already, spring break is pretty cheap = lots of extra money for booze and coke)
Dumbass_lawyer: i collected his papers and left. (so he collected some bloody ass papers and jetted without calling the cops. Left to “take care of his affairs”. Nice guy. And what was that guy hiding)
Pathetic_kidnap_girl: i’m not strong miss nivens…(yes, let’s play into the weak female stereotype yet again. All we need is h to save the day to make it complete)
I hate this moron DA
Kyle: i know what i did was wrong….
Of course someone had a gun to his head. That’s the only way h’s kid could do something wrong
This is an extremely creepy h/kyle scene
H: i’m fine…what do you mean? (oh he just so tuned in to h)
Nothing like getting coaching from h…i’m sure he’s gotten out of many a child molestation trial in his day
Does this kid seriously call h “dad”...
Frank: custody is a big step Horatio (dude, the kid is like 16, it’s only a 2 year sentence)
B_d_d: killer was under the floor
Alexx: but there are no basements in Miami (i think she actually read a cue card there)
B_d_d: alexx, money can buy you a basement if you want it (so clever)
Enough wine?
Natalia: i expect nothing less from h (oh dear lord spare me)
Arrogant_moron_in_the_basement: how did you guys figure out i was in the cellar…..you guys…are good
The Tiffany’s of wine….
a_m_i_b: you got me <hands up>….why don’t you slow down there…i’ve never fired a gun in my life…i’m no scientist (really, you don’t say. Neither are these idiots)
h: excuse me…don’t go far…
h: do it now or i’ll tear your office apart….do it now (oh he’s such a tough guy)
annulment papers….of course
oh and for fraud…this ought to be an awesome explanation
this guy is a billionaire and he asks his lawyer to check into his latest bimbo AFTER they were married. Are we still on planet earth?
I like the words jumping off the bloody page. Nice software.
5 different identities. Tell me h got duped!
H: and that…is called motive
Kyle (moron): i always knew you’d come back (what a pathetic ass loser. You’re too old to be a mama’s boy)
OH SNAP…she did not just say “so handsome…LIKE YOUR FATHER” i just threw up in my mouth. And conveniently, h is lurking. They’re going to be a real family, i just know it. vomit.
Bimbo: you failed to mention his trial today
H: you failed to mention your 5 aliases you’ve used over 15 years
So she’s at the lawyer’s and starts digging through his papers for pretty much no reason
So this idiot hides the gun in her car
Bimbo: i have no idea how that got there (uh huh)
H: hook her up please
Bimbo: you’re wasting your time
H: why is that
Bimbo: because you still love me (what the hell does that have to do with anything. Seriously. Bitch, you off-ed your richie-rich husband – although probably not because this is csi Miami – and what h thinks has very little to do with the consequences of that)
She’s a billionaire and she drives a Mercedes. They’re nice and all, but she could do better.
And really, it is lucky for her he was shot before he finished signing…but i bet it would be close enough to count as being signed
B_d_d: 10 card….
Since when do they check the prints visually, that’s what all their fancy non-existent computers are for.
Calleigh: why’d you do it
a_m_i_b: the help screws it up (dude…you are the help)
lucky for kyle he’s got frank on his side, practically testifying for him
oh snap, the judge is against the DA, good news for kyle. Oh and look at that, the victim didn’t show up. How convenient.
Right, h is going to send his team to look for her
H: where’s Kathleen, Julia. (this lady is a real whack job, of course h was involved with her. She’s needy and crazy all in one!)
Currency band. Those really don’t just slip off.
If i may quote the steve miller band: go on take the money and run!
Natalia: blah, blah, chemical names
Bimbo_housekeeper: <eyes glazed over> what does that mean?
Bimbo: the best charity is anonymous (um, yeah, you’re all about charity)
Bimbo_housekeeper: do you have a body (do you have a brain?)
Bimbo: i’ll be in court looking after my son
Of course….case dismissed
I don’t think the criminal court judge would know about his custody papers
AND i can pretty much guaran-fucking-tee they don’t let the kid have the final say. Hey kid: do you like living with your manic dad who drinks too much and often goes on three day benders leaving you alone. Or with your boring old mom who doesn’t let you stay up past 11 on school nights or have hookers at the house. Ever.
Bimbo: i’m no lawyer (no shit)
H: i’m going to find her Julia….i’m not actually talking about my son
Oh the old sun pass got her! Too bad those things don’t work right.
B_d_d: do you have a twenty on tripp (more like $100 that the bastard will have a heart attack this year…oh wait, you mean something else)
Blah…blah…jurisdiction
H: son…i can’t tell you not to do this
Kyle: blah, blah…mama’s boy….this is a recipe for disaster.
Of course she lets him drive the phat ride. Probably doesn’t even have a license.
Bimbo: i’m his mother (like that’s supposed to mean something)
What’s with the flash to the alligator jumping in the water. Is this subliminal Miami-style
Hmmm…so the money was a just a decoy…so clever.
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