10/1/2007

Tivo description: After the internet turns a high-school student into an international sex symbol (likely), information leaked about horatio puts his life in danger. (oh dare to dream….)
(ok, normally i don’t have much to say about the description….but i have to wonder:
1. how is h involved in ANYTHING related to some under age girl and her porn career. Well, except for the fact that he’s representative of her usual clientele.
2. 2+2=700. how on earth could some teenager and her myspace page and h’s life be related. I guess the geniuses at the csi miami brain factory will tie it all together for me….

Split screens!
Stalkwalker

This girl is so mediocre it’s not even funny.
Sorry no fully clothed teenager makes internet waves…

Wow these split screens are giving me motion sickness

Ew she’s not wearing flip flops on the pool deck.

Nice TYR product placement. Poor form on the start block

Arrow in the chest guy…that’s the worst fall/death scene i’ve seen since last week

H: i understand that luke was your boyfriend (what’s to understand, h?)
Dingy_candace: yeah, i’m a totally put upon internet star for trying on hats and drinking coffee
H: and they’re probably not comfortable with you having a boyfriend (um, honestly, i doubt that internet world really cares much about her relationship status)
I’m going to tell you what Candace, i’m going to find out who did this, ok? (again…with the promises AND the rhetorical question. What’s she going to say, ‘no’?)

Dingy_candace’s_father: Lieutenant…(why do they always know he is a lieutenant on sight. Like calleigh and her magical ability to determine bullet calibers. And honestly, you named your kid Candace, did you expect her to be anything other than a stripper)

I know what we’ll do, we’ll take the internet star out the front door, not a side door.
Yeah h, she’ll be safe at home, i’m sure none of these stalkers know where she lives…

Mr. Wolfe…

Traitor_wolfe: can her family afford private protections
Altruistic_h: it’s already been taken care of (so let me get this straight, he’s paying for several illegitimate/relative’s/random hooker’s kids throughout Miami, not to mention the H-hooker-rescue fund, and now he’s also paying mr. wolfe’s hourly fee. All on a government salary. I guess he made some smart investments in the 80s)

Calleigh’s interview with the coach. First of all, is that outfit standard issue in Miami in the middle of summer, and is it really appropriate for work? Also, convenient that the key is hanging out of the coach’s pocket.

This coach is a loser.
Loser_coach: i realize this equipment is dangerous

Um, pedophile…CREEPY

Seriously, those pics would not be anything special on the internet
Again with the monitor that shows everything on the internet on the one clear screen

Ryan is now driving a prius…quite a downgrade from the hummer

Creepy scene with dumbass Candace and ryan
Candance: i’m blaming myself for my loser boyfriend’s death because i have a martyr complex like everyone else on this show
Mr_wolfe: it’s not your fault (will this get me my job back? I’m drooling over an underage girl and i’m trying to be ‘comforting’ like the almighty h…oh wait, i’m drooling over an underage girl, not a little boy. Damn, back to the drawing board)

Decoy car….that explains the prius.

The whole premise for this episode is so absolutely ridiculous, unrealistic, and bizarre.

Dumb_new_lab_tech: he looks familiar
Brain_damage_delko: his name is ryan wolfe. He used to work here. H (the hero) hired him to be candace’s bodyguard.

Oh great….justin.tv makes it to csi Miami…

Oh of course, the old spy camera in the shades trick…

Lamest line ever: I’m a blogger lieutenant…
Blogger: i just blog about celebrities
H: but you stalk minors as well

how did he know the exact sunglasses the boyfriend had so as to switch them out.

Dumbass_candace: ryan….thank you for coming with me to see luke’s parents (ok…1. it’s his damn JOB for which he is being paid. 2. shouldn’t your parents be with you to go see the dead guy’s parents, or just because they’re concerned about your general safety)

H is on stalkwalker…the plot thickens

H: is Candace safe, mr. wolfe.

So h is all nonchalant about being stalked on the internet

WHY, OH WHY would her fans be tracking him. He’s barely even involved outside of the lab.

Big_boss_cop_dude: this girl’s fans are investigating you…and they’ve uncovered your involvement in the Argento grand jury from 5 years ago, horatio (REALLY?! Could this make any less sense/ be any more ridiculous)….now argento knows you’re the one who put him away…somebody might want to take a shot at you (ME!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE CAN I DO IT?)
H: that’s the risk we take everyday (barf)
Big_boss_cop_dude: this is beyond hero worship (h’s specialty)

Oh, big hero h…won’t take the security detail, thriving on argento’s mob being ready to gun him down.

Slashing the hummer tires!!! Oh no!
H: call the transpo pool, frank…and they got my flat badge too.

H: damon, my name is horatio caine (for those of us who forgot)….because i put your father in jail, damon….. damon, i know you’re angry (what is this, therapy)…. Son, you’ve been warned (let’s hope this week that this kid is not actually his son)

What swimmers wear waterproof makeup?

Dumbass_swimmer: I’m on the swim team…I can pretty much have any guy in school i want (ok, that makes zero sense)

These “high school” girls look like they’re 25

Creepy_coach: i’d never do anything to hurt Candace

Now Candace is doing photo shoots? Her mom is like one of those cheerleader moms

I hate this new lab tech girl

Dumb_lab_tech_girl: sir, they may come after you (MOTO)
H: then i’ll be ready

Mr. wolfe took that ninja down!!!!

Ok, the girl wasn’t attacked, she was pushed at best.

Judging by their pool and house, i’m thinking candace’s family can afford ryan’s services and college without whoring out their kid.

Candace’s_dumbass_dad: i was trying to protect my daughter (oh how many times have we heard that. Of course the dad is some sort of faux-hero, not an idiot like the rest of them)

H: fear is a killer

H: nothing i can’t handle….

Uh, oh. The gun is gone and the sunglasses are on!

H: i’m going to send you something
Dumbass_kissass_new_lab_tech: what did you have in mind? (how did you pay your way through the local vo-tech. working as an escort?)
H:….thank you ma’am…(h, she’s like 19. you don’t call her ma’am.)

Is this a kafka novel or an episode of csi Miami?

Calleigh: draw length….draw length is measured, blah, blah, blah (now, i don’t know the first thing about bows, but i guarantee your average viewer of this show does.)

Dumbass_swimmer: everyone said i was prettier than Candace, and a better swimmer (are people really this stupid?)
And she has bad aim. What a dork.

Oh this fool is not going to be able to take down the almighty h

Oh here we go, another adult with a daddy complex. Reminds me of the general and his kids from last season
H: i know how you feel (yeah, this guy can really empathize with, apparently, EVERYONE ON THE PLANET)
Damon: how can you know unless you felt what i felt (GENIUS)

Blanks. GENIUS.

I’ve never seen someone so happy to be going to jail for murder. You think she might be feeling a little guilty. Or angry she killed the wrong person.