Tivo Description: A wealthy family’s nanny turns up dead during a party. (why is it always the help that dies?)
The background music – “the girls all look the same” – is that tongue in cheek commentary or just a fun coincidence?
Rich_bimbo:dennis bought a yacht…it’s vulgar i know (GAG ME. You spoiled princess)
Dennis: that’s mia…she’s one of our nannies. (must be nice to have multiple nannies for two kids)
Dumbass_kid: Vanessa won’t wake up (that’s never good. Um. Won’t wake up, she’s covered in blood. That’s a little more than ‘won’t wake up’)
H: who was Vanessa….(um, the nanny)
Dennis: blah blah, she took care of our lives, but we didn’t know anything about her (um, just a thought here, maybe you should know a lot about your nanny before you let her raise your kids)
H: stay home, talk to no one (why all the drama?)
Alexx: these footprints are like some kind of horror movie
Traitor_wolfe: i’ll bring it to the lab (drink!)
H: thank you mr. wolfe
B_d_d: if the killer grabbed a weapon from the kitchen, it stands to reason he put it back there too (actually, no it doesn’t. if it were me, i’d take the knife with me, hop on a boat tour and toss into the ocean three miles out. Of course, i am also not a brainless twit living in Miami.)
Calleigh: hide it in plain sight
Spoiled_brat_kid: you can see why i wasn’t exactly thrilled to go on our trip…mom and dad….megan and mary poppins (um…hold up. You’re going on 2 month boat tour on the mediterranean and your pissing and moaning because you don’t have anyone to hang out with? Um. Shutup. Also, what about the other nanny? Why doesn’t she get to go.)
I don’t know who wanted her there more…my parents or my sister (your parents want her there so they don’t have to deal with you brats)
Uh oh, nanny’s packing up to leave
Rich_bimbo: i had to let her go, she did her job too well….you all must think i deserve this, two nannies when i’m only working part time…i’m just not capable of being a great mother. (moms who work can’t be good mothers. Nice)
Traitor_wolfe: i heard you’ve been at the gun range logging some serious hours (oh will they ever drop this dumbass-can’t-shoot-a-gun thing. This is probably all a big set up so they can kill her off the show)
Model nannies…let me guess…
Pervy_nanny_interviewer: you’re very easy on the eyes (glad to see you have stringent hiring practices)
P_n_i: they all want results, no matter what it takes
H: i know the feeling (oh lord)
Alexx: your parents are well off, did you ever have a nanny (is that rude? I think so)
Calleigh: boo hoo sob story
Calleigh: did you ever figure out why her fingernails were blue
Alexx:
Calleigh: Is that lack of oxygen in the blood (um, is that something you probably learn in the first year at csi school?)
Traitor_wolfe: calleigh and b_d_d didn’t find any ceramic knives at the house (no shit. The killer took it. duh)
H, lurking in the shadows again…
Killer_caterer: what i gave my reference samples or whatever…..i have another job to get to
H: you’re not going to make it (is this even legal. I somehow thing it’s holding someone against their will because they’re a caterer. And what about the rest of the catering staff? Why aren’t they all being held)
Killer_caterer: yeah i knew Vanessa
H: which you neglected to mention in your statement
Killer_caterer: nobody asked. (exactly my point so many times on this dumbass show)
Rich_bimbo: lieutenant caine (drink!) you have to come inside…my husband and i, we were just robbed, a quarter of a million dollars, gone…(god, i hope you mean in jewelry and expensive shit in your house, not cash. If it’s cash, you deserved to be robbed)
B_d_d: a quarter of a million dollars is a lot of motive
H: Vanessa probably died for it, eric
B_d_d: there are prints alright, but they’re not from anyone’s finger tips…they’re from somebody’s knuckles…knuckle prints are unique (now that is an interesting fun fact)
B_d_d: you give your nannies the code to the safe….we trust our nannies (i can think of a million better people to whom you should give the safe code)
H: where’s other_nanny now
Dad: in her room, packing. Since vanessa’s gone, she’s coming with us on our trip (uh oh, i smell motive! I bet they find a chipped ceramic knife in her checked baggage. By the by, you think all of these people would be a little more upset and might postpone the trip for a few days to, i dunno, attend the funeral. They’re going to be gone 2 months, what’s a three day delay really going to change)
Family managers. Is that a real job.
Does it seem odd that two adult women had to share a one room apartment.
Oh the old nanny cam in the air filter trick.
More unrealistic computer technology! My favorite!
Dad: Vanessa and i weren’t messing around. We were talking (why in the bathroom, and why is there a camera in the bathroom. Ew.)….dumbass_kid is gay! (at like age 11 he knows this)
Male nanny! Ha!
So hold up. Dumbass_kid tells manny that he loves him, so that automatically makes him gay? And why is he stealing h’s thunder. All little boys on this show are reserved for h to molest!
H: with all due respect mister lambert, you’re not a very good witness (um, why not)
Manny: blah, blah, blah the dad sucks…i taught the kid how to fish and chase tail..
Alexx: blah, blah, eye drops…that cause oxygen…depletion…in…the..blood (i speak slowly because i’m reading cue cards)
Alexx: you know ryan, people don’t ingest this stuff accidentally (really? You mean to tell me people don’t go around drinking visine? Also, is this a trick they should really be advertising)
Alexx:
So she bought him a scuba diving kit? On a nanny’s salary? And i think it takes a little more than a kit to be able to scuba dive.
H: ok…help me understand
Spoiled_brat: no more poker, no more football, no more go-karts…just this stupid trip with my stupid family (spare me)…craig taught me better than that. You have to believe me?
H: i want to, i really do son (h has said in the past to people using that same line “i don’t have to believe anything”. Guess it’s just the little boy factor. He needs them out of jail)
Manny: you gotta believe me, i didn’t do it (h seems to fall for this act too. Guess the manny can hook him up with “dates”)
Calleigh: i don’t want you to end up in the hospital
B_d_d: i’ll be fine (famous last words)
Hmm…let me see, the picture of the family without rich_bimbo_mom…wonder who the killer could be.
Uh oh…it was the caterer. Of course, the help.
Killer_caterer: i wasn’t prepared to see her with that family…we broke up because she didn’t want to have kids (boo hoo…)
Vanessa: i never said that, i just didn’t want to have them with you (Oh snap!)
They come down to the station to personally thank h, who is conveniently outside
Dad: all this time spent securing our future has kept us from enjoying our present (oh the wisdom! Cuz a two month vacation on a yacht isn’t enjoying yourself?)
H: there’s still time
They’re cancelling the trip. That’s dumb.
H: ah yes, priorities.. take care folks (is h off to check on one of his illegitimate kids or charity cases)
The manny and the fact that i think Natalia actually used that term bumps this one up to three dead hookers.
1 comment:
Question. How many morons out there actually believe what they see on those garbage CSI shows is actually true? Well boys and girls, sadly -- millions.
Take this scenario. A rare, hard to find rope was used to create a corpse of some poor slob. Yep, it was gonna be hard to find who might sell this rope. Hold it - no it ain't. Let's fire up our CSI Rope Database which will search the inventory of every store on the planet. Yep, it worked.
Let's whip right over to these stores and see who bought this rope. We'll then have suspects and eventually nail the killer.
Listen up CSI dickheads. There ain't no rope database.
CSI do not track down leads. I have seen episodes where they stake-out suspects waiting for them to leave behind a DNA sample. Listen up CSI twitbrains -- IT'S MADE UP.
How can anyone enjoy a television show that is crap from start to finish.
Speaking of cops. Have you ever noticed that Brass cop on the regular CSI series always works the same shift as the CSI gang does? Caruso cop guy from Miami always looks at people sideways. He also pays a lot of hospital bills and funeral expenses for crime victims. He is one swell man.
You may have noticed the CSI shows have a database to search anything. They can search people's private medical records to see what drugs a person has purchased. Here is the scenario from CSI Miami. I could have it backwards, not being an insulin expert, but this is the general idea.
CSI twits have determined that the murderer uses insulin because the murder scene has a sweet smell, which supposedly insulin does when a person is getting low. The suspect they are interviewing doesn't stink, but his limo does. Holy smokes, CSI now knows said suspect uses insulin. Good thing they smelled inside the limo. CSI hunches that the suspect must have injected just before committing the dreadful deed this time around. No problem for CSI. They search a database for all people who bought insulin in the last 24 hours, and yes, the suspects name is on the list. Get real CSI. There ain't no way, ever, that this is plausible. It would mean they can search every pharmacist's database anytime they damn well feel like it. Duh. How did they get permission to do this? I guess all pharmacies are required by law to let the police search people's private records. More Duh!
Anytime a CSI person has a hunch about something, they sit their sweet ass down at a computer, and just start typing. Poof, up pops an answer. There was no need to actually find the correct non-existant database first, then search.
CSI's are experts of all trades. They can inspect a car from top to bottom to determine if someone was messin with it. They can analyze a cars electronics just like that and understand what the data means. Wow! It takes a real mechanic a long time to learn this.
Holy Smokes CSI writers. Here is an idea for a spinoff. The show is about a mechanic who just happens to be an expert in all things CSI.
Stay tuned CSI lovers. More idiotic scenarios coming soon.
And here is another as promised.
CSI gang is at the home of some suspect. They lift a fingerprint from some object. It just so happens that one of the gang has the set of fingerprints with them of the person who committed the crime. The two are compared, but not with any scientific means, just by a casual glance, and guess what - they match. Crime solved.
Same scenario as above, this time one of the gang has a transparent image of a tire tread with them. He puts this image on a tire of the suspect vehicle and instantly declares "It's a match" Yeah, well it will match thousands of other tires as well. A match is found by finding some irregularity. How did he know which tire to compare? Maybe the irregularity was on the bottom of the tire. Maybe in real life the tires would need to be removed, taken to the lab where some kind of established comparing method has to be used.
In the meantime all of those CSI FREAKS should be required by law to increase your intelligence about the real world of CSI.
Post a Comment