Tivo Description: Someone tries to kill Inspector Calleigh Duquesne.
Bikinis, boats, bimbos, and cars. Just another day in Miami!
Slo-mo scenes and split screens with Calleigh – she must be in big trouble
She drives that car on her crap ass public servant salary
She picks up the gun without gloves!
Uh-oh, car’s coming right at you. You have two choices…
1. MOVE THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY
2. stand there like a dumbass
Of course, the old car through the plate glass window trick!
Calleigh: get out of the car (um, let’s see, gun shots and a trip through a window. Methinks they’re dead.
They’re sending out the helicopter for this minor incident. Glad i’m not paying taxes in Miami.
H: What is this frank? (um, well h, it’s a pretty fucked up car accident and your girl calleigh is basically responsible for it)
H: the K9 unit
Frank: i got two birds in the air (no one really says that)
The dogs and the choppers, for someone who may or may not have been trying to kill calleigh.
The dead lady is, of course, in the Christ position. Is this symbolism for minors or what? Here we go with the saint-like woman myth they love to perpetuate on this show.
H: so she was an innocent bystander (i’m guessing probably not)
Frank: staring down the barrel of a gun, the mind plays tricks (lucky for us frank, that will never happen to you!)
H: and we’ve got a few of our own
Traitor_wolfe: who would try to run over calleigh (gee, let me see, she’s been a part of putting away how many killers, rapists, etc, etc., etc…i just don’t have the first clue)
H: it’s too soon to tell, mr. wolfe, but we must…..must document it all (first class scripting, right there!)
Ah yes, now we find out the victim is a middle school teacher. What else, besides a nun?
H: This could be blood from our fugitive (well, it is on the passenger side of the car)
Traitor_wolfe: it’ll give us an ID (ONLY IF THE DUMBASS IS ALREADY IN THE SYSTEM. It’s dna, not magic.)
H: get it to the lab, please
Calleigh’s flashbacks – so cheezy!
B_d_d: listen calleigh, i’ve got to ask you something, and i don’t want you to take it the wrong way. (any time you preface a question with that statement, there is only one way to take it). i know you were off duty, had you been drinking (let’s see, she just said she had brunch, so if she answers yes, does that make her an alcoholic?)
Calleigh: you know the paramedic asked me that question..
Creepy gross hug scene with b_d_d and calleigh…and were they zooming in on a wedding ring?
Iad_scuzz_bag: blah, blah, blah…you were HBD (whatever that means)
I can’t believe they had to drag here down to the station for the breathalyzer
Iad_scuzz_bag: alcohol dissipates (big word for Miami) at the rate of blah, blah, blah…(dude, like she doesn’t already know that!)…the question becomes what was this number during the incident.. you couldn’t provide a description of the suspect
Ok, so riddle me this.
1. how does 2 mimosas get anyone drunk
2. if she were not a cop, would they be grilling her over her inability to describe the suspect when she had a gun in her face
3. what does matter if she were sober or totally shit faced, someone tried to kill her, work on that and then worry about her description and BAL.
Of course she knows the exact model of the gun
Natalia: as soon as i finish my firearms training (which will be NEVER)…i’m going to get an off duty gun, because it is scary out there (that’s just what the bush administration wants you to believe. More guns will make us safe. That’s the answer)
Traitor_wolfe: not as scary as being investigated by the dept. for what you do off the clock.
Alexx: calleigh honey, they said you couldn’t work the field. Does this look like the field to you baby?
H: she was dead before that
Store_owner: what, you mean murdered? (no, he meant some other way she was found dead in your store)
Store_owner: i was just trying to run my business
H: join the club (does that make any sense. You have no business h, you work for the city)
So he shows her the receipt for the mimosas…and they’re for “friends”. What is she hiding?????
Oh jake, knocking backing 4 mimosas. You’re in trouble now buddy!
Jake: i was just a guy, an off duty cop, who was just trying to enjoy himself (wow, i bet that excuse has never been heard in AA)
H: it’s where we found dead lady’s body
Art_teacher:
H: did you two have a relationship?
Art_teacher: i substitute teach…when i’m here, sometimes we’re friendly. (because there is no way you could see each other any other time or place, seeing as you live in the same city, and, oh yeah, obviously the best place to do the dirty is IN YOUR CLASSROOM. Morons.)
H: because we found paint, just like the paint on your hands, in the autopsy. (ok, so dude wastes no time. Is this a weekend? If so, what the hell is he doing in the school? Is this a weekday, if so, why wasn’t she at school? Calleigh was having brunch, which would fall during school hours. Who has brunch on weekdays. No one. It’s generally only offered on Sundays. The ability of these writers to grasp the concepts of time and space is astounding!)
H: you’re describing a shoulder massage…(i think i’m gonna puke)
Student on the floor
H: Somebody call 911 please. (um, don’t you have a direct line? Also, maybe you could walk a little faster)
H: help is on the way sweetheart (thank god you’re not the only “help” she’ll get to day, h. i know little boys are more your style, but you never know)
Art_teacher: lieutenant (argh!) what is this
H: that’s not medication (NO SHIT!), it could be heroin, she’s overdosing. (heroin. In middle school. Right)
Ok, so now the dead middle school teacher is dealing “bumps” and “cheese”. Let me guess, she’s being set up. I’ll bet you two dead hookers i’m right!
Spoiled rich brats…parents in the Bahamas, this kid is up to no good…
Natalia: it sounds to me like she’s building up evidence to shut down an operation (of course, dead woman was trying to save the world. of course. All women are angels)
Traitor_wolfe: what am i going to do? I’m going to finish the job dead lady started
Moron_suspect: i threaten your csi chick with a lawsuit and you’re going to pay me back with a murder charge
H: there is 13 year old girl in the hospital who is probably going to die, i hope you’re ready to live with that (again, i’m not seeing the connection)
Do you expect me to believe that Natalia is teaching b_d_d csi tricks, like looking under the carpet….
B_d_d: there’s a latent print on top of it (ever since the shooting he can now see things that aren’t visible to the human eye)
Store_owner: i don’t do anything illegal here (that was convincing)
B_d_d: don’t thank me…thank god…thank jake (um, yeah, ok)
B_d_d: i guess he’s a stand up guy after all
Gee, i wonder if jake planted the bullet in that tree
Traitor_wolfe: there is another teacher that gets around (oh your double entendre is so clever!)
Ruh-ro…guess that tie tack was yours…
H really brought this guy down with like zero effort.
Art_teacher: pete was my heroin connect…it was all the different flavors that got the kids to like the heroin (seriously? Let’s vilify male teachers even more. Flavored heroin. Selling to middle school kids. Give me a break, this is L-A-M-E. also spelled as: C-S-I-M-I-A-M-I)
H: you were distributing to children (like little boys. Hey, can you give me some, i bet it makes them easier to rape)
Do the kids in this school really need to be enticed with sneakers, i’m sure their parents will buy them whatever shoes they want
Art_teacher: yeah they took care of it. idiots brought you cops to our front door (get what you pay for?)
Oh good, the moron kid survives, and there’s h, peeking in her window, so he’s the first person she sees when she wakes up. Lucky her!
This girl looks like she’s 25 and where the hell are her parents?!?!
H: beth, my name is h, i’m a police officer…..you had…quite a large dose of narcotics in your system
Beth: you mean i could have died..
H: now beth, i hate to do this to you, but i need to know where you got it
Beth:
H: i promise, i will protect you
Beth: it’s not like that…he’s a friend
H: ok…..beth, so somebody else doesn’t get hurt. I need his name….(kids are easier to break down. You only have to ask them twice)
Dumbass_logan: i’m i trouble, aren’t i?.....i just wanted the shoes. (again…i think your parents buy you whatever you want)
H: logan there are going to be consequences, but we’ll get through it (we?)
This was long and full of urban legends. 2 dead hookers.
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