this is what happens when a group of morons who have never even set foot in a zoo go hunting: bears. miami-style
h: 800 lbs. and counting, frank
vanilla gel
dumbass hunter: man-cation (whatever happened to just going to vegas)
oh yes, the minitracker is really going to find the source of the vanilla. especially if it came from tallahassee. what are these two morons going to do, walk there?
redneck: get off my property (typical. is that part of the redneck play book for interacting with strangers)
redneck: hoss (who says that anymore)
oh and he has chew in his mouth. can we get any more stereotypical (as an aside, i think that's someone in my extended family)
oh yeah, i'm so sure this guy is an expert book keeper. receipts and taxes. i don't think he can spell taxes.
the tour guide. enough said
tour guide: guar-on-tee
why on earth would they autopsy that guy. let me save the state $1000s...he got attacked by a bear.
alexx: ...all consistent with mauling (no shit)
delko: the bear is not the only killer in miami
the hotel..
delko: maybe we can identify the owner from the personal playlist (please inform me of the science that allows you to figure out who someone is based on their ipod playlist. now maybe the fact that you PUT YOUR NAME IN IT might help, but i doubt the playlists could differentiate strangers)
oh yes, i'm sure the mp3 owner downloaded all her music from the same site. no cds, no stolen mp3s from other people. 1 to 1 match from the download site. like millions of other people haven't downloaded that crap. and she has terrible taste in music.
h:
dumbass stolen mp3 owner: well aren't you all 'protect and serve'
she called him lieutenant too. how does everyone just automatically know that.
we're almost 30 minutes in and no tricks with the editing software.
blood on the license plate....oh yes, accompanied by the blood filled cooler
natalia: is this animal blood (this is csi: miami. of course it's not. why would you even ask such an asinine question)
an escalade, i guess a hummer would be too much product placement
delko: got some questions of our own to answer first, starting with: how did human blood get in this cooler (i'm going to go out on a limb here (pun intended) and guess that it got there from a human) (oh, another question. why put the body ON ICE. first of all, you can't really tightly shut a 2 foot cooler with 5 feet of person stuffed in it. secondly, no amount of ice machine ice will stop that stench. and thirdly, if you dump it quick enough, which was obviously the plan, then you don't really need to worry about decomp stench.)
the sky simply looks fake, and i guess it takes 7 hours to get out to the everglades, it's like noon when they leave miami, and practically sunset when they get to the hunting site, at least according to the sky colors.
so the dead hooker’s body just happened to be right near the trees where the lure is. of course.
dumbass hunter: blah blah... stripper...blah blah....it got way too intense for us (when is a stripper ever too intense for guys on a man-cation. miami-style)
hookers and blow. the beginning (and end) of so many awesome stories
friends help you move. real friends help you move bodies.
dumbass hunter: moving a body isn't a crime, i looked it up
h: you looked it up, how studious of you (ok, i have to admit, i'd say something like that)...
i'm charging you with accessory after the fact, look that up (these are the best lines he's had in years)
a match on the dna in .5 seconds. miraculous
oh here they are with the special effects.
ok delko, the head injury is really getting to you. the only acceptable answer when asked if you know where a specific strip club is located is "no". or "no, i've never heard of it." and you forget the basics of your damn job, but you seem to remember where all the strip clubs are in miami. guess that bullet didn't damage the parts of your brain you use the most often.
alive stripper: i was at a recording studio trying to put together my demo (that's almost as trite and unbelievable as saying : "i was in the library studying for my o-chem final")
frank: now that's great, now you're an artist
oh yes, getting frank out of the room will just allow her to open up to h
yes, those three losers killed some ex-con body guard
alive stripper: i don't trust cops
h: anna, you need to trust me.
ok, calleigh knows all sorts of chemical names for random shit, but ryan throws out the latin name for palm tree and she has to ask what it is. right.
are the pole dancers really necessary. gratuitous strippers.
h: you and i both i know that no one pays $10,000 to watch, do they. (for 10 large you better get breakfast in bed or something else included in the man-cation package)
again with the lieutenant. HOW DO THEY KNOW?!?!?
pimp: lieutenant, you're so sure i'm a pimp, what does that make anna (very nice, play on his proclivity for 'helpless' women)
h: why don't you tell me (brilliant come back)
that
frank i need an address and i need it quick
supervisor o'shea...so many jokes
o'shea: you're a lieutenant (WTF?). that means you're a smart man (don't be so sure)
this is the funniest pissing match ever. h is never going to make captain now.
h: are you ok...
i believe you (preceded by condescending looks)
h: stay away from anna sivarro
stripper: thanks for meeting me here
h: of course....
anna, this is not your fault (oh, if i had a nickel for every episode h says that)
stripper: you really believe all that protect and serve stuff, don't you
h:
No comments:
Post a Comment