Bimbos and bikinis….here we go…Miami-style
Semi automatic weapons at the fashion show. We went from “new south” to “old south” in 10 seconds.
Bimbo:
Shootout scene – very Tarantino. I guess they were jealous that the real show had Tarantino direct an episode, so they’ll do a poor meth-addled knock off.
Let me guess. While the fake guns were going off, a real murder took place in the shadows.
Handcuffs. Do i smell foreshadowing?
The electrocution scene. Only the best ‘actresses’ from the community college for this show!
H: somebody killed this girl, alexx (NO SHIT SHERLOCK)
Wanna_be_versace: a girl that nice doesn’t have any enemies (you don’t know the first thing about women)
Traitor_wolfe: when alicia’s light got power, she got power
Calleigh: why didn’t she get electrocuted until she touched the pole (HOLD THE FUCK UP. Ok, i’m no physics whiz, but i’m going to take a wild guess here….she had to close the circuit???? Is that really a mystery to anyone. You supposedly have a degree in science)
Lighting_moron: don’t look at me….that’s why i know, there’s no way this could have happened (well, i won’t be making any investments based on what you know, moron, because here’s a news flash: it did happen)
Lighting_moron: i’m the only person with any reason to be down there (oh, they are tricky with their fancy ‘hidden’ clues.)
Red_haired_dummy:
Red_haired_dummy: oh no she didn’t mess around…Alicia was kind of…boring (this is their typical way of ‘saint-ifying’ women on the show. Oh no, girls in Miami don’t get involved with any of that ‘sex’ stuff. She was a perfect angelic princess who went to confession 3 days a week. Oddly, none of these models are heroin addicts. Just like real life)
Red_haired_dummy: it looked like she’d been crying…if you know what i mean
Calleigh: i do…(what is this some, some sort of southern code for something?)
Traitor_wolfe: why would a 21 year old girl be so upset that she’d show up late for work (um. Where do i start.
1. What 21 year old do you know that is super responsible and always on time for work.
2. have you ever met a 21 year old before.
3. what do being a 21 year old girl and being on time for work have to do with each other. That makes no more or less sense than a 45 year old man being late for work
4. this dummy was a model. I can think of 75 reasons why she might be late for work
5. you really are a freakin’ idiot)
Natalia: eric…can i have some space please (in other words, back the fuck off you brain damaged freak!)
Natalia: it looks like our victim was married
B_D_D: how can you tell that from a sex kit (excellent question for the real world, but this is csi:Miami)
Natalia: because it came back to a guy currently serving time and the only way you can have a conjugal visit with a prisoner is if you’re married to them (i love how the perpetuate the ‘conjugal visit’ myth on this show. Does anyone believe that really exists? This smells of some right wing conspiracy to me.)
B_d_d: joe lebrock…that’s the man who kidnapped horatio’s son (of course!)
Natalia: no wonder she was keeping her personal life a secret (maybe she just doesn’t want people in her business)
B_d_d: i would too if i were married to one of the most dangerous men in Miami (riddle me this: how does some fat loser in prison end up married to a model. In the real world, it’s because he’s her heroin dealer, but not in h’s “all pretty women are angels” fantasy land. Also. I’m sure there are many people in Miami way more dangerous than this loser. Unless you mean dangerous to h’s career. Then he’s your guy)
H: you never told me you were married, joe (and when, pray tell, would this have come up in conversation? Hey, you kidnapped my son and hid him in some duct work. By the by, are you married to a model?)
Joe: Alicia and i hooked up just before i became a guest of the county. You know, she’s a model (could his delivery be any more flat). The guys go crazy when she comes strutting in here (yeah, i’m sure she’s always hanging around the county jail with your loser ass)
Joe: to be crude (and you will be), but a conjugal is a conjugal (oh what a lucky gal!)
H:
Joe: i set her up as a model (with all of your big connections in the fashion industry? You, clearly, are a fashionista)
Joe: i know a lot of people
H: yes, from your heroin dealing (and now it’s all coming together for me!)
Joe: when i met Alicia she was straight off the bus (the beginning of every tale of ‘big city’ murder)
Uh oh, this guy is on to h’s ‘body guard’ for his son. And now is making some sort of threats. Oh look out buddy! Don’t mess with any of h’s little boys.
Ah yes, no prison scene is complete without the guys just hanging around working out. Gay porn or csi: Miami – you tell me!
H: trust no one
Prison is like a zoo, complete with an observation deck!
Traitor wolfe: so you need help reading
Frank: that’s cute (actually that’s pretty damn funny!)
Frank: my favorite dust monkey (hehe…that’s good too!)
Fingerprinting with a techno beat. Everything relates back to the clubs for these writers.
H: stepmother Alicia (i always like it when the kid is older than the step-parent)
Oh no, the feds are stepping in again. H hates it when anyone messes with his perceived authority. And there he goes, making Natalia abuse her connections again.
Fbi_loser: you saved my career a few years ago (of course she did. I also like how all fbi agents are young and not alcoholics. Just like real life!)
Fbi_loser: and you were able to replicate it…or whatever it is that you do (you are in the FBI, you better know one god damn thing about your job and a few technical terms when it comes to basic DNA work)
Natalia: does what you know trump what i know about you…(oh please, she’s got dirt on this guy and she’s wasting it over a lame murder case)…i need the tapes today and i’ll get them back to you before you ever need an excuse (cuz a mdpd investigation is way more important than whatever it is the fbi is doing. She has h’s superiority complex.)
Calleigh doesn’t understand completing a circuit, but knows about specific nickel content in rare metals.
Calleigh: it’s heroin (models and heroin. That’s weird)
Calleigh: is heroin the new black (another good joke. That’s the three for the year. All in one episode)
Wanna_be_versace: in every country we’ve been to, no one checked the clothes (until you got to the good ol’ u.s. of a, where we’re better and smarter than anyone else! Don’t forget, we’re talking about models here, who are just known for their brains.)
little miss perfect figured it all out and was going to turn this guy in. i guess she ran the lab results on the clothes herself.
Joe: she didn’t understand the world of business, so i straightened her out (again, what a lucky gal!)
Big explosion! Good thing h is there to save the day. And this joe guy somehow coordinated it all from the inside. Right. He’s dumber than a sack of rocks and doesn’t really inspire any fear.
Oscar’s dying words…some sort of apology to h…right!
H: you did exactly what i asked….everything…and i won’t forget it (doesn’t matter anymore)
Oh the old cell phone setting off the bomb trick
Reverse phone directory on a cell phone. Don’t they know that doesn’t work…
Calleigh: you picked up the surface computing quickly (that’s really an insult. It’s like saying you picked up matching square pegs with square holes quickly)
Traitor_wolfe: it wasn’t that hard, Samantha got me up to speed (gee, i’m sure traitor_wolfe was really interested in the technology)
Calleigh: so you were just using it as an excuse to hit on the new girl
Traitor_wolfe: yeah, she saw through it too (Helen keller could see that!)
The call came from inside the jail. My money is on a guard.
Please, like searching the cells will do any good. Try a cavity search
Uh, oh, h’s kid is in trouble. I’m sure he was “framed”
H’s kid, rebelling! Gee, i wonder if it’s an act to save his ass. My first clue is not his acting skills. Really.
Natalia: i got it, you watch it (you tell him girl!)
Oh no, red_haired_moron is back. She brings down the collective IQ of the viewing audience. That is saying a lot.
Red_haired_moron: how would i even know how to do that (excellent question. I’m still wondering how you manage to breathe and blink at the same time)
Red_haired_moron: she wasn’t worthy of him…i proved that i am…he treated her like a queen (if your definition of a queen is referring to her as a ‘conjugal’ and being in prison. Maybe queen of cell block d. she really killed someone to get in the good graces of a middle aged jailed heroin dealer)
H: never lie to me again. (only lie to the investigators when they ask about our relationship)
So there is fingerprint ink on the phone, but no resultant fingerprints?
H: if you sign this confession, i’ll make sure it doesn’t get kicked up to life
Moron_too_stupid_to_lie: if i sign that, i sign my death sentence (either way, the world wins)
This DA is the worst actress ever.
Traitor_wolfe: clandestine meeting with a little boy (hey, that’s h’s game!)
Natalia: horatio needs to see this (to get some tips)
Nice iphone product placement. I’m embarrassed that apple supports this crap.
What kind of courtroom is surrounded by glass? I guess it’s just another zoo.
Luckily, h was in the shadows to scare the big, bad prisoner.
H: rebecca, the boy is my son (so? Why does he get special treatment. You would have added 20 years to anyone else’s sentence)
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