10/22/2007

Tivo Description: The lab loses the body of a murdered sports legend. (really, is it that easy to lose a body. They’re kinda heavy. And smelly….. Geniuses)

Yeah, i don’t think the writers strike will affect this show one ounce.

Dumbass_on_the_phone: I was the brunette by the bar (yet she has blonde hair)
Dumbass_about_to_be_dead: who cares about my wife, she’s at pilates or something (cuz she’ll never be back from that…or she’ll be home in 45 minutes)

H: do we have control of the media detective (dude, this isn’t soviet Russia. The answer is no…oh wait..i forgot, the patriot act. This IS soviet Russia. It infuriates me that they treat restrictions on the press like it’s a good thing.)

Detective: as good as can be expected….(obviously, grammar is not required in cop school. Or for the writers on csi Miami)

Alexx: perfectly severed his carotid….this spray is from his last three heart beats. You only get that kind of force and volume with a total…arterial…transaction (said slowly for the morons in the audience, and because she is an idiot herself and is reading it)

Alexx: a man like this would never go down without a fight
H: until today

Cryonics! Yay! Move over walt disney, csi’s in the house
Quick explanation that “cryonics” means “frozen dead fools” for the audience

Alexx: i have jurisdiction over the remains of his body
Alexx: that body does not leave my sight!

Alexx: that’s heparin, right (she knows this based on the unmarked needle)….you do realize an anti-coagulant is useless on the dead (nice try on the explanation, but coagulant is a mighty big SAT word for the target audience of this show) (it’s really alexx’s night to shine, er, um, have lots of poorly written lines)

Calleigh: a girl’s gotta keep some mystery (so very southern)

Woah…the tv highlight reels playing in the air, that’s pretty crazy editing software

Hmmm…pre-canned obits. Creepy.

The cryonics place is very science fiction looking…why do i have the feeling that in the real world, these places are warehouses in the run down meat packing districts of places like Detroit.

Alexx: virtopsy (FOR REALS. Are you seriously trying to play that off as a word)

Creepy_cryogenics_guy: we need to get him into a neuropod ASAP (neuropod. They’ll just make up anything)

alexx is doing a terrible job of pretending she’s freezing her ass off. And she’s wearing a tank top, they don’t have a lab jacket she can borrow.

H: i understand alexx, what else..

Natalia: let me call horatio (Nothing can be done without the all knowing h)

Bar_owner: i guess i’m a lucky guy
H: yes (head tilt) but not for long

H: was that before you killed him this morning (is that a loaded question or what)

Uh oh, more fun at the gun range. And of course the instructor is hitting on her. And like a dumbass, she lets the shotgun kick back on her. Cuz she’s new to guns, being a wanna-be-cop and all.

Dumbass_reporter: it’s legally binding
Calleigh: so are handcuffs

Calleigh: your career died with doug mcclain, you can write an obituary for it

So the reporter just lets the phone record for 25 minutes while the guy is dying. Doesn’t bother to pick up a land line or anything. Nice.



Dead little boy…now h is upset!!!

And a helpless woman. Even better!

So the dead kid was a star quarter back at age 6, despite the fact that he had a rare kidney disease.

H: ok. Where is the knife now….miss Sullivan…someone removed it

Brain_damage_delko: to the rescue!

Natalia: i think my shoulder’s out
B_d_d: you gotta go see a doctor
Natalia: i can’t. this is going to go on my record and it’s going to get out that i can’t shoot a shotgun (1. you’re an idiot. 2. you just told someone else, way to keep word from getting out. 3. you could have hurt yourself any number of ways, you never thought to lie. 4. you can’t shoot a shotgun because you didn’t listen to your gun teacher. Again, idiot. 5. you’d rather be injured than admit you can’t do something. )

B_d_d= mini h…csi extraordinaire, guy who can pop shoulders back in, and now caught in a compromising position by IAD (and he’s not even getting any)

Iad_guy: blah, blah, blah…fraternization…
B_d_d: sold out csi duquesne, cuz, say it with me, he’s an idiot.

And now hot shot detective is breaking things off with calleigh….b_d_d is in big trouble!

Creepy_cryogenics_doctor: the neuropod’s already been set…
H: open it
Oh, i’m so sure that cryogenics labs are this full and sophisticated.

None of these idiots bothered to call 911 despite all the opportunities…

H: he was worth more to you dead than alive

Why didn’t the moron ex-wife just get rid of the knife.