A rare and illegal machine gun vaporizes three weapons smugglers (and the loss to society is?), launching the CSI team into a desperate search for it.
(how does this have anything to do with the mountain gorillas in Africa?)
Split screens!!!!
And some black and white mixed with color in the split screens. That must be the full version of the software.
Why don’t these dummies have pit bulls guarding the compound like every other good smuggler/separatist?
Oh please tell me they did not truly “vaporize” these dudes. This crap makes the batman and robin show from the 60s look believable
Are these cops really all broken up about the vaporization? I mean, how can you even tell there was a body?
H: detective tripp, off patrol
Frank: the vacation ended yesterday, i’m officially back in homicide
(frank must have gotten too fat for the cop outfit they were stuffing him into, so it’s back to polyester suits!)
H: come on inside
Ew. Parts is parts…
H: they were vaporized frank
Frank: vaporized how
H: i don’t know, but it was big (really. I thought human bodies just evaporated every day with little to no effort. Well, maybe in roswell)
H: this was not a robbery frank…someone wants to send a message (again, really? I though this was a pretty subtle tactic)
Nice white pants b_d_d. apparently the bullet hit the fashion area of your brain
B_d_d/calleigh…oh for god sakes will he just slip her a roofie and get it over with!
B_d_d: we’re going to get these guys
Calleigh: we better
(ok, i’m still not really seeing wtf is the big deal. These people see all kinds of dead bodies in various fucked up states. And worse, they deal with the best “criminal masterminds” in Miami who are dumber than posts but think they can get away with shit. Hey, at least these guys are dead, and well, you don’t have to look at decomposing bodies)
The dx4….the vaporizer
B_d_d: never heard of it (um, isn’t it your fucking job to know about this shit)
Calleigh: that’s because it’s illegal (even more reason for b_d_d to know about his gun. Cuz we all know the only guns used in crimes are those of the legally purchased persuasion.)
100,000 rounds per minute. Woah, these writers are really stretching here…
Calleigh: i’d seen something like this on paper, but i didn’t know it existed yet (however, it already has a catchy name and nickname. That’s just a little inconsistent)
Calleigh: if we don’t find it, we’re going to see a lot more crime scenes like this one (actually, probably not. This guy shot some competitors, he’s probably going to lay low after this. Also, what are you pissing and moaning about. Easy clean up, no body to process, no dealing with creepy alexx and the morgue. I see only positives.)
B_d_d: i’ll get this to the lab (drink!)
Traitor_wolfe: well, if they’re in codis, chance are they weren’t innocent bystanders if you know what i mean (yes, dummy, we know what you mean. A retarded monkey knows what you mean. You don’t exactly wrap your phrases in symbolism and enigma)
Soto: i didn’t kill nobody (oh how many times have we heard this)…i’m an antiques dealer (and by antiques you mean the vaporizer?)
Soto: i got my own way of dealing with that
H: so do i. you’re under arrest. Take him. (oh, so clever. So cunning)
Of course…the guns are going to the middle east where they’ll be used against our troops. Culture of fear.
Frank: we forgot to collect the guns (forgot. Seriously. Does she look stupid? Well, kinda. And why are you giving her a hard time because she’s with customs instead of ATF. What does it matter. It all boils down to it not being your problem, what else could a fat southern cop ask for?)
Traitor_wolfe: what about the dx4
Customs_agent: the vaporizer (for a gun that calleigh claims didn’t exist 6 months ago, they sure know a lot about it)…that’s illegal in this country (for now) (and, again, what does it matter if it’s legal of not, lots of things aren’t legal, including hookers and coke, two major themes of this show…or the guns they were trying to stop from leaving the country)
Customs_agent: contracted this one out (just like in iraq!)
Dumb_gun_for_hire: you have no jurisdiction in this case (and we know jurisdiction is a sore spot with h). i’m going to have to ask you gentlemen to leave (ok Rambo, whatever)…..you have zero authority in this building
Dumb_gun_for_hire_suit: it isn’t murder, under the patriot act (oh, i love the patriot act. Hope it doesn’t come to get me for having ‘opinions’)
Dumb_gun_for_hire: blah, blah, blah, blah. (i’d say he’s reading cue cards, but i don’t think he can read. Not since my 7th grade social studies teacher have a heard anyone with less inflection in their voice)
Dumb_gun_for_hire_suit: we’re patriots…. I will not apologize for our mission (ok big tough republican guy)
H: there’s not a mark on him (except for what i did to him last night)
Dumb_gun_for_hire: national security issues
H: get behind the yellow tape or i’ll take you into custody myself.
Dumb_gun_for_hire:
H: mr. wolfe, let’s get alexx out here (no escaping that creepy morgue)
Stun gun!
Calleigh: cracker jack autopsy (what’s that even mean)
Killer bubble!
The perfect murder! (doesn’t she know h is on the case. He’ll crack it like encyclopedia brown and the case of the little boys! Oh wait…am i in the right forum?)
Alexx: this killer was smart (alexx, honey, rocks are smart next to you)
Replacement_dumb_gun_for_hire_suit: we move on…can’t distract from the mission (what is this, the first moon mission)
H: we found a dx4 round in lancaster’s suv. Is that where he was storing the vaporizer? (in his car. You expect me to believe he just kept this thing under the front seat. This isn’t a $50 knock off Gucci bag)
Replacement_dumb_gun_for_hire_suit: lieutenant (drink!) off the record, you’re looking at us when you should be looking outside
H: so you’re saying steve had enemies (no, you get to be the head of some killer-for-hire firm because you’ve won a lot of friends over the years and are known for your tea parties)
Replacement_dumb_gun_for_hire_suit: plenty
H: i’ll need those names. (ok. Let’s say i turn up dead/vaporized. Sure i have enemies, i still hold grudges against people from the 4th grade. Let’s say h or some other moron cop shows up at my work asking questions. Would anyone there know the first damn thing about KD or KC. No. so how can r_d_g_f_h_s just come up with this list?)
Replacement_dumb_gun_for_hire_suit: those files are confidential. You’re just going to have to find them on your own (that’s just a fancy way of saying, “i don’t know”)
H: yes and i will (the writing! Please call the academy, these writers should be up for an award)….a word to the wise r_d_g_f_h_s, your name better not be amongst them (oh, tough talk)
B_d_d: nice, juicy partial (he needs to get out more)
Woah, woah woah……he’s claiming that the fingerprint got on to the guy’s watch when they shook hands. Riddle me this. Which hand do you shake with? If you said “right” you win a prize. But the flash back clearly shows them shaking with their left hands, PLUS, most people wear their watch on their left hand….i’m no math whiz, but i think all this adds up to a big, fat, guilty
New_suspect_marine_guy: i run a computer repair firm (yes, that seems to be the choice occupation of every moron with an associate’s degree in ‘computers’)…
I went back to my office, you can ask my secretary (um, i think the word is ‘admin’)
B_d_d: i will (they ALWAYS freakin’ say that)
I like how the information comes off laptops onto their big translucent computer screens like someone dealing from deck of cards. Cuz that’s how data retrieval works. Everything is in nice, neat stacks.
Calleigh: will you bop open that report (‘bop’. Really?)
Calleigh: operation black market status (yes, i’m sure that is the title of the report. I write status reports with more coded details than that)
Oh genius b_d_d is translating all the complex ‘military code’.
Calleigh: what are you doing? What are you doing? (well calleigh, usually when computers make those noises, that means they’re self-erasing all their data. At least, that’s how it works in the movies.)
So i paused the show to write some witty commentary, and i look up and see this, written backwards, in the translucent computer screen:
C:\ CLEANWIPE.EXE
Hmm….guess that means the hard drive is being erased. Not sure what b_d_d did to trip that.
B_d_D: the laptop’s doing it on it’s own….someone is purging the laptop remotely (um, why do you have it connected to the internets?)
Calleigh: turn it off
B_d_d: i can’t, they’re over riding it. (pull the battery dumbass)
Calleigh: can you figure out who’s doing it (calleigh, he can’t figure out how to get to the 7-11 across the street.)
B_d_d: i’m transmitting an output signal (i really don’t think that’s how tracing shit through the internet works)
Wow, it’s gun_for_hire firm that wiped the laptop. I’m shocked.
Replacement_dumb_gun_for_hire_suit: we have to make sure nothing in there falls into the wrong hands
H: like mine? (no h, you’re the wrong hands for little boys)
H: you’re telling me that the most dangerous weapon on the planet is loose on the streets of Miami (oh h. like you haven’t dealt with all sorts of shootouts and whatnot in the middle of Miami. And, i think there are a few weapons more dangerous. Like, oh, i dunno, nuclear weapons. I think those might hurt a few more people. Seriously, what’s the big deal about this gun. It kills people just the same as a rifle. Just faster. End result doesn’t change)
Stun bite
A million volts
Traitor_wolfe: girlie weapon
Customs_lady: what’s this all about wolfe?
Traitor_wolfe: it’s about your stun gun (heh heh)
Traitor_wolfe: was this a state sponsored assassination (so normally on this show, it’s all hummers, guns, republicans, yay! But now they seem to be very anti-all the crap that goes on in iraq. Interesting. Guess they’re gearing up for election season)
Traitor_wolfe: every time you use that stun gun, the date and time is recorded. (is this even real? Also, wouldn’t she be smart enough to clear the records?)
Retinal vein
Toner. Caught by the toner. I love it.
New_suspect_marine_guy: i was spending so much time engineering coups in other countries, i didn’t see the one he was pulling on me (you expect me to believe that these rogue ‘security’ firms are really the puppet masters of the world arena, organizing coups at their will?)
I love how they use the word “assassinate” to make it seem worse. It’s murder if it’s hooker, but an assassination if it’s some ceo.
New_suspect_marine_guy: it was a noble idea and he turned it into a killing machine (how is engineering coups noble?)
New_suspect_marine_guy: no i didn’t. i swear (i didn’t realize that was the secret code for ‘i’m really telling the truth this time, as opposed to all the other times i lied to you’)
The mdpd has not only fingerprints but the DNA of, like, everyone in Miami
B_d_d: by selling it to our enemies
Dumbass_’antique’_dealer: nothing personal, it’s just business. (i really don’t think anyone is that stupid)
LOVE IT……FLASH BACKS!!!!!! to b_d_d’s shooting!
Ok….so b_d_d is still wearing the white pants (and hey , so is the dead guy). I like how time stands still in miami. All of this in the same day
Calleigh: you know what’s weird…i don’t see any of your bullet strikes here
B_d_d: i felt like i was getting shot all over again. (still milking it)
Sniper perch
Dumb_gun_for_hire: blah, blah,blah, patriot act….intel (dude, this is not iraq, it’s Miami)
H: why did they want him dead
Dumb_gun_for_hire:
H: let me rephrase it: where is the gun (um, h. how do i say…um, yeah, those are two entirely different questions)
That gun is enormous. How does one person use that thing..
Dumb_gun_for_hire: blah, blah, i don’t question my superiors, blah blah. defenders of liberty…good soldiers (YOU ARE NOT SOLIDERS)
H: be a good solider
H shows up alone to catch these guys
And now r_d_g_f_h_s is going to try to vaporize h. dare to dream. But there is some fancy computer attached. So now i’m supposed to believe the person who vaporized the three guys at the beginning knew how to use this thing. And carried it on their own. I’m just asking for a little consistency in the story line is all.
Oh please, oh please, oh please say it blew up h….of course not!
How is the hummer still standing.
Oh damn, h made it, and has nary a scratch on him.
So his one gun is supposed to go up against this vaporizer. And don’t real cops get put on like years of desk duty every time they fire their weapon.
Ratings:
Patriot act: 4 dead hookers
Vaporizer: 3 dead hookers
Unrealistic technology: 3 dead hookers
Flash backs to b_d_d’s shooting – 5 dead hookers!
Wyatt-earp-h: 2 dead hookers
Left-hand-handshake: 2 dead hookers
Brain dead actors: 3 dead hookers.
Overall: 3 dead hookers.
No comments:
Post a Comment