10/8/2007

Tivo description: Horatio goes in search of his son, who is missing after a deadly prison break

Outside the courthouse, awaiting a violent criminal, are multiple women in skimpy clothes. That’s likely.

Frank, twisting the story for h’s son. It’s good to be the long lost son of a cop…er, csi.

Tried as an adult!!!

Creepy non-verbal exchange between h and kid

Frank: have you told kyle he’s your son?
H: i haven’t yet (no time like the present)

Frank: there must be a hundred knuckleheads trying to get on television

Ah yes….gangsta chic…

Frank: thinks he’s the modern day jesse james

Seriously, do scantily clad women really hang outside of jails/courtrooms trying to get the attention of murderers? Methinks not.

H: frank you feel like takin’ a ride (am i in the east village?)
Frank: on the bus? (even worse)

Aren’t prison buses usually smaller/have more safety features than a greyhound

H: (although in this case, i think (s)he may be a tranny) Counselor?
Counselor: Horatio Caine (in case we forgot again this week)
H: you are moving to try him as an adult
Counselor: it was an adult crime, horatio
H: he is a child who was blackmailed into the situation
Counselor: Regardless he made a bad choice
H: children often do, don’t they
(this is the worst, most flat dialogue i have seen since last week. It’s clear they hate each other in real life. Of course, that probably holds true for most of the actors on the show and h)
Counselor: very clever, lieutenant (ok, not really clever at all)…..but he’s still going to be tried as an adult. Why do you care
H: i care because it’s my job. (not because he’s your long lost love child. Aren’t you just the dedicated civil servant, h).

Uh oh, wreck on the prison bus. Frank is down for the count. And of course there is an angry mob on the freeway trying to get in. wow, frank is a really good actor. His facial expressions really convey his emotions. Guess he should have been wearing a seat belt. Oh now, after everyone gets away and he survives the smackdown, frank can suddenly get up. And why didn’t that guy take his gun.
Good job frank, go after the dead guy in the truck…
Uh oh, blurry vision...underfed woman down…

Frank: i’m fine (never mind that woman i shot)
H: Where is kyle, frank
Frank: he’s with them, what do you want to do? (i dunno, get a mojito?)
H: i want to find him (brilliant answer)

Frank: FOG OF WAR (that’s right, that’s what he said. Here’s an idea. Don’t go shooting when you’re semi-conscious)

Frank: I got a bad feeling about this calleigh (really?)
Calleigh: I better get in there (and clear frank’s good name? what if he’s demoted back to hair and suits)

Calleigh: I’m gonna call horatio, he’s going to want to know the color of the getaway vehicle (WHY? Cuz there is only one red car in Miami. I’m just thinking make and model might be more useful)

Natalia….she wears all white to work as a CSI. Because it’s unlikely that she’ll be digging in blood or dumpsters…

Mr. wolfe….on the scene

Kyle: Lieutenant Caine (aka, pops)
H: you made the right decision kyle

Kyle: I know this might sound weird, but if i got to jail i want you to walk me in. (you’re right kyle, that does sound weird. Actually weird is not really a strong enough word. I don’t even know if fucked up covers it. first of all, you don’t know this dude, secondly, well, he’s a pedophile and you’re falling right into his trap. i realize this is the crack writing team that cbs pays top dollar for trying to make it seem like you and h have some sort of connection, but well, that didn’t really work out, did it.)
H: Get in. Trust me…(mistake number one)

OK WHAT THE FUCK. He’s getting him a haircut. What’s he going to do, save a piece…baby’s first haircut.
He forgot the most important piece of advice. Keep your back to the wall in the shower.
Handcuffs, so that’s how h likes it

Calleigh: Well that explains why she didn’t get out of there, she didn’t know what was going on (OK, so the deaf/dead girl loses her hearing aid thing….She’s deaf not stupid. Complete chaos, crazy mob..she may not have known exactly what was happening, but i bet she could have deduced that it might be a good idea to leave. Oh wait, this is Miami. Everyone is a moron. My fault)

Calleigh: Tripp only shots a 9 mil. (again, she knows the bullet caliber on sight)
Alexx: Where are you going with my projectile (why not just say bullet)

So this loser “loses” his gun. He just carries it around in his belt while riding his motorcycle. He is lucky he’s lived this long

Uh oh, i see foreshadowing…natalia just tosses those bike keys on the passenger seat of the hummer.

Jackass_gun_coach: be on time, especially when someone is doing you a favor (yeah, cuz she doesn’t have a day job)
More foreshadowing---
Jackass_gun_coach: you left it in your ride
Dumbass_natalia: Yeah it’s a county vehicle so it’s secure (OH MY GOD. Like every damn week someone is breaking in to those hummers. Just last week h’s planted gun was taken. You really are that stupid)

Jackass_gun_coach: well, let’s waste what’s left in the magazine and reschedule (oh, now that she’s dragged her ass out there and you berated her for being late, now it’s ok to reschedule)
Natalia: copy that (what is this, truck driver school)

Traitor wolfe!!!!

Natalia: You set me up! (ok, how could he have predicted the future like that. She’s a moron)
Natalia: You’re proud of yourself
as a side note, what does it matter if she didn’t bring the evidence straight back so long as it was in the country property hummer. What if she had to stop at a different crime scene or to go to the bathroom. I doubt this will hold up in court. Or the moron could have just given the keys to frank. Although, she just tossed them in the truck, didn’t put them in an envelope or anything.

I’m sure they put a kid in high security prison.

Natalia: i had a friend…turn on me (quit acting so helpless)
Oh don’t act all holier than thou like everyone else on the show. She can’t turn on ryan. These writers know NOTHING about women. Well, that may explain a lot.

Oh here it is, the special paint that changes colors (of course)
Calleigh: like a chameleon. (No, like people who have nothing better to waste their coke money on.)
And h. jr. isn’t lying. Oh he has a life of being a false hero and having an inappropriate relationship with young children ahead of him

What is this loser doing helping out convicts. Oh of course…his brother is sick. Why is it always about helping sick family members?

Frank: well if it’s not Benedict Arnold
Traitor_wolfe: hi frank, you look well (nice comeback?)
Frank: stay outside the perimeter until i can get you an escort (that’s all ryan has wanted for years. Now he’s getting it for free. Cool)
Of course, he’s got his rubber gloves handy and finds the gun lying out in the open that the cops totally missed.
And frank just spills all the details of the case as if ryan is still working on “his side”

Natalia: you want points for doing the right thing
Traitor_wolfe: i follow the evidence no matter who pays me, ok? (gag me)

That guy has a lot of cuts on his hand from a single gun shot.

Criminal: Sorry dawg, i need, i take

Oh no, the deaf girl isn’t an innocent idiot. Go figure…

Trevor: we found out that kid is your son (ok, that is next to impossible. only half the police force knows that, and there aren’t any crooked cops out there. But for reals, they could have done a little better. There is no way they would know that. And i’m so sure he would remember his name)…..and that’s exactly where we’re going to kill him (and you just signed your death sentence. H is going to stick a bullet between the eyes of anyone who messes with a little boy, especially HIS little boy)….take care lieutenant caine (again with the lieutenant thing)

H: this is lieutenant horatio caine, i’m looking for inmate kyle harmon (ok, so they just give out prisoner info to anyone pretending to be a cop on the phone)
Guard: i got eyeballs on him now (who says that? And i’m so sure the guards know the prisoners by name. especially the ones who just showed up. Isn’t the whole point that you’re just a number)
H: do not let him out of your sight (yeah, no further explanation, and that arrogant hang up without even a ‘thanks’. I’m sure those guards will be all over keeping him safe)

Oh, the old reading the lips trick…

H: excuse me
Guard: one second lieutenant (he says this without even looking at h)
H: excuse me (yes, lets stop the lock down for the riot because h wants something)
H: get me the logs and lock this place down. Do you understand? lock it down (yes, the orders from lock down usually come from csi’s.)

Um, i think it would be hard to hide someone in a prison. Especially on lock down. It’s even harder to get someone out. I’d like to see how they write their way out of this

H: i’m not leaving this room without an answer

I like how frank’s battle wounds disappear and appear depending on when the scene was shot.

Brain_damage_delko: lieutenant caine’s got his own methods (i’ll bet he does)

H and brain_damage_delko, human hunters!

H: if anything has happened to my son…i’m gong to come back to this room, and you will leave it in a bag (um, is that proper police protocol. And, oddly enough, i know someone who just found out he has a 16 year old son. Um, he isn’t exactly all gung-ho about it)

Third time is a charm. They always break the third time h asks, even those most hardened criminals.

Yes, there are probably no locks or alarms in the areas that lead you to the pipes.

Oh quit your moaning you big baby.

LUKE…..I’m your father….

Seriously, how lame. He asks why he’s taking off his restraints. The only possible answer is, because H is his father.

H, negotiating with fugitives.

Um, i don’t really think prisoners play team sports like volleyball. And i don’t think it’s like the zoo where you can watch them play from the outside.